Countertop Wet

How to get out stains on countertops??
I just bought a house and my kitchen countertops are gross. I guess they are vinyl or laminate or whatever, you know...regular countertop stuff.
My problem is two fold:
1- Housewarming party resulted in drunken fools making Margareita's and spilling that pink goo stuff everywhere...
2- Rings when I moved in that look almost like the counters were a bit wet and someone left a can or something on it?? Like a tarnish, not a direct stain.
Any suggestions?
Straight bleach will do the trick, tho it will eat your sponge. My husband and I were cleaning at his grandma's house and that's what we used to clean her rarely-washed off-white countertops. Took out so many stains that you could actually see exactly where we had poured the bleach. We did the whole thing and it looked practically new again.
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